Three Kinds of Bouncer

When people think of a "bouncer", they tend to think of a very prototypical bouncer: huge, intimidating

The prototypical "bouncer" look

looking, tattoos, maybe a beard.  That's the kind of bouncer I am.  That's the kind of bouncer I like.  But there are really three kinds of bouncer in the business.

1) The Doorman
This is the first type of bouncer you're likely to encounter at any bar or club.  This guy is an expert on fake ID's.  He knows all the small differences between a fake that you and I don't (although I'm probably supposed to).  He knows where the watermark is supposed to be, where the micro-printing is supposed to be, whether or not your picture is lined up properly.  He can tell if you're using your big sister, or best friend's ID.  He knows just the questions to ask that'll trip you up into revealing yourself as an underage drinker, without even using the things he knows about IDs.
The doorman does the bulk of his work at the beginning and in the middle of the night.  He isn't always a prototypical bouncer type, might not even be a real fighter.  It helps if he's assertive and firm, and he needs to be able to enforce a dress code and other standards at the door that might sometimes seem ridiculous to the customer.  The crowd is the doorman's responsibility.  If a gang of people get let in, if the place is over-filled with underage drinkers, if the crowd is regularly full of undesirables, then you can put the blame almost completely on the doorman.

2) The Floor Host
This is the bouncer that would probably be better suited as a promoter, or bartender, personality wise, but their physical ability, or people they know have put them on the floor.  This kind of bouncer might work either outside or inside.  He is typically a young, in shape guy who is good looking.  This is a guy that works the crowd, women throw themselves at him, he knows everyone in the place.  He is the mediator of the place.  If a problem between regulars breaks out, if any kind of social issue arises, he is often the person to put it out, as he often knows the crowd the best, and can do so without things getting out of hand.  He doesn't have to be the biggest, or toughest guy, but he IS bigger than the average customer, and likely spends a few hours a day in the gym trying to put pounds on a thin frame.

3) The Bouncer
Now this guy is the guy you think of when you picture a bouncer.  This guy loves to scrap, but rarely finds a match up worth his time.  He easily physically controls most adult men, and his presence alone is not only intimidating, but often takes over a room.  He's the guy that every man in the room has noticed, taken note of, and sized up in some way, trying to determine if they might stand a chance.  He's also the guy they never try.  True bouncers aren't guys that can take a punch, they're guys that you wouldn't ever want to punch.  They're guys who don't need to swing at customers, don't need to fist fight with folks, they control adult men like other adults might control fighting school children.
They don't do this job looking for fights, but they don't shy away from them either.  This bouncer needs a good amount of patience, and needs to be able to absorb the struggles and occasional blow from a customer on the way out.  They need to be able to aggressively control the crowd when necessary.  In short, this bouncer is the hammer of the group.  Sometimes you only need to show people that you've got a big hammer and they won't test it, but if customers do go too far, if they do test the group of bouncers too much, this is the guy they get.

Each type of bouncer serves their purpose within the club/bar, and any successful establishment employs guys within each of these roles.  You'll often see some guys that mix a couple of these roles together.  A charismatic type that really knows IDs, or is really big and controls the crowd easily.  You might find the occasional big guy that is real friendly, and knows the crowd well, plays the mediator role well at times, or knows his IDs.  Which kind of bouncer are you?

Bouncers Often Are Not "Nice" Guys...

After this past weekend, I can't stop thinking about a moment during Saturday night.  Two of our regular customers were in, two girls that hang out all the time, flirting with all the help.  They're well known by pretty much all our employees, and basically make it a point to spend almost all their time with one of us, trying to get us to dance, smile, etc.  They're a lot of fun, and all of us like them.  From time to time at their request I'll walk them to their car, hold their keys and phones throughout the night, and sometimes pretend to be their boyfriend to scare off "creepy guys" hitting on them.  Basically, our bouncers-myself included-are something like a guard dog for them; they feel safer around us, but they forget why.  It's because we're every bit the violent, intimidating assholes that other guys might be.  They just know us.

Well, during the night I came across a situation inside between two customers.  At the direction of the bartender, I chose which one needed to go, and began to guide him towards the door.  He started with all the typical excuses: his friends were inside, he needed his credit card, he hadn't done anything, etc.  I told him I didn't care, and he needed to go.  By the time we reached the stairs, my patience with his whining had reached it's end.  I gave him a good push out the door, and he grabbed my arm, trying to pull me to him.  Being about twice his size I didn't move much, if at all.  I grabbed his hand, pulled it off my arm, then followed him down the stairs quickly, loudly warning him not to lay a hand on me again.  The two doormen quickly stepped in and said they'd take it from there.  As I turned around, I saw both girls outside where they'd been talking to the door man, looking at me with the same look you might give a family pet who has just bitten someone, the "oh yea, you have teeth" look.

As a bouncer, you hear it a lot: "You're just a bouncer".  First of all, I am NOT "just a bouncer".  I'm also a father, friend, husband, accountant, history buff, writer...the list goes on.  Nobody is "just" what they do for a living 18 hours a week.  Secondly, you're right; I AM a bouncer.  They didn't hire me because they hoped later on I would be able to physically control people.  They didn't hire me because they hoped I'd develop into someone that could handle themselves, didn't scare easily, was in control of any space he's currently occupying, etc.  They hired me because I already was all those things.  People should remember that when dealing with bouncers.

No matter how friendly we appear to be, no matter how much we smile, or offer to assist you, or whatever it may be, we're hired there for a reason.  We're hired there because when the shit hits the fan, the bar wants the biggest, toughest assholes inside it on the bar's side.  Fighting fire with fire, and hoping the bar stocks the hottest fire in the place, bars find guys that stand out, don't fit in, can control the herds of people.  Bouncers aren't the shepherds of life-those would be managers and other leaders.  Bouncers are more like mostly domestic (some more than others) wolf-like dogs, trained to help the shepherd herd the sheep.    While we may appear friendly, it's wise to remember we ARE wolves, and not be shocked when we accidentally eat a sheep who has stepped out of line.

Haven't been keeping up...

I really haven't been keeping up with this like I'd intended to, and I plan on fixing that.  College season is starting up soon at the club, and things should get very interesting.  We've had a fun summer as well, some good times, some annoying times, some slow times, some busy times.  So, I'll make a post today and get all "best of times, worst of times" on you, give you an overview of a fun summer, and go from there.

Things have been changing a lot here in Providence.  There's been a few violent incidents in the city surrounding a new bar, and it's brought a lot of negative attention to the area's nightlife as a whole.  Pair that with a drinking violation-a bs violation, but one nonetheless-and we've been cracking down hard on underage drinkers and fake ID's lately.  It's changed the crowd a bit, and it'll be interesting to see what college season has in store for us, given the changes.  I'll start keeping up with this blog a little bit better.  I plan to start writing in it when I get home each night, then maybe a weekend wrap up on Sunday.  We've been running a Monday party that's been getting busy, so I've been working that also.  It's nice, and when Wednesdays start getting a little busier again in a month, I'll hopefully be working 5 nights a week.  Should make for some good material.  Stay tuned, and don't lose faith in your blogging bouncer!

Tonight...

Tonight I work a Japanese steakhouse.  Who even knew that place had any kind of night life?  I'm supposed to be there til 2, but I expect it to be pretty uneventful.  Might have to hit a college party or two afterwards to give you all a story or two.  Kids are going nuts now that they're about to graduate.  Good times.


Update: Never happened.  Worked the same hookah bar on the hill.  Uneventful.  Places on the hill are always quiet.

Drought over!

For the last few weeks things have been peaceful at the club.  Sure I've walked a few people out for being too drunk, or underage, or whatever, but it's been quiet, and they've gone quietly.  Tonight however, I finally broke my two week long streak when a regular of ours got into it with someone in the bathroom.  He came to get me right away, said the kid took a swing at him.  I know the customer pretty well, he comes in every night and I've never heard of him having a problem in our club or anywhere else.  So I went into the bathroom, and the regular starts confronting the guy that took a swing at him, saying "you're not so tough now" and so forth.  I explain to the guy that he needs to go, and he gives some resistance, then tells me he's coming back to shoot us all up.  Naturally now he really has to go, so I grab him and have to basically carrying him upside down until I get to the back door, and I just throw him towards the door, then push him out.  He's yelling how he's going to call the cops, so I told him "9-1-1, that's the number, now fuck off" and closed the door.  Later he snuck back in apparently to apologize to me and try to get back in.  It didn't work.

Lesson for the night: small guys can be a pain to throw out, as you literally have to throw them out.  Their center of gravity is too damn low, lol.

Opening Post

Throughout my career as a bouncer, I've found myself telling stories to friends all the time.  Funny stories of drunken idiots, exciting stories of fights, maybe video of a dancer that's had way too much to drink.  I thought that the only 21st century thing to do would be to write a blog about it, that maybe others were interested in hearing those stories.  I hope you enjoy them!